Category: LGBT Discussion
hi all. this is Lupita. Ok, so hears the story. about 5 years ago when i was 12 or 13, i met this girl at the braille institute. At first it was all good. I talked to her, she talked to me. but time passed, and i began to realize that I had feelings for her. I didn't understand it at first. I didn't think it was anything bad. All I knew was that I liked her and I wanted to kiss her. There finally came a time when we hadn't seen each other in a long time. When I did see her, it was one day when we went rock climbing. This is where everything got, confusing for me. We had to set up a tent together so that we could have a place to sleep. So when we set it up, we lay our sleeping bag next to each other, and somehow we ended up in each others arms. I wish I could explain how right it felt to hold her. how safe and how right I felt. It was strange because I had never felt that with anyone, I didn't even know a feeling like that existed. You know when you love someone, and when you hold them, you get that feeling that being with that person feels right? Well, thats what it felt like. I tried getting over her, i really did. But as time went by, i liked her more and more. There finally came a time when, I had to breakup with a boyfriend I had because I didn't know what I was. I was 15 at the time. To this day I still don't know. I've been with a new boyfriend on and off for about a year now, but I have never felt like I felt everytime I would hold that girl, or everytime she would hold me. no guy has ever made me feel that way. I've never actually been with a girl though. There finally came a time when I did tell her but I guess religion is sometimes a really big problem for a lot of people. she's christian. I was raised catholic but am happily now wiccan, though I'm still going through some very rugh times. The thing I'm confused about is, who I am. what I am. I've liked other girls before, but somehow all the girls I like, are straight, or afraid because of they religion. You know, the thing I find so amazing though is that she used to lead me on, before I ever told her anything. She'd call me everyday, tell me she missed me, told me I was only hers and that she didn't like to share me. once she called me and said, hey babe. then tried to justify it buy saying her teacher called her that. She really had me goin. Recently I broke up with my boyfriend again. I'm hoping this time I can figure out what it is I want. Don't get me wrong, it hurts me that I broke up with him, I'm just tired of being confused I guess. I'm 18 now. But has anyone ever gone through something like this?
trust me, you're not alone. I wish I had the net, back when I was your age, so I could at least do some research and read forums and boards such as these. In my case, I don't guess it was so much being confused as it was just being one thing and knowing I was supposed to be something else and figuring there must have been something wrong with me.
I'm very sorry that religion has gotten in the way of your romance. This story is one of the most tragic types that I hear all too often. I know of so many couples who genuinely love each other, and yet religion wants to destroy their relationship or their family.
Why, just a couple days ago a family in Ohio I think was torn apart because of religion's bigotry toward homosexuality. Let me find you a link to the article. It might help you see you're not alone.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2013/08/22/tennessee-church-kicks-out-longtime-members-for-their-quiet-support-of-gay-daughters-civil-rights/
Ok, so it was Tennessee, not ohio. I hope it helps give you a bit of strength to know you aren't alone.
It is not only religion, but your feelings. As I'd have to agree with Anthony.
I have not been here, but here is what I'd have to do.
If you are still in contact with her, call her and talk about it frankly. See what happens.
That could hurt, but you need to know.
Next, maybe it is her that makes you feel this way, not girls in general, so it is possible if you could be with her, you'd enjoy, and be happy as that goes, but just any girl won't give you the same feelings.
In that case you'd not necessarily be bisexual. I've heard a better term for this, but I can't bring it to mind right now.
You like who you like, sex not being a factor. You are not actracted to one sex or the other, but the person.
The only way you can finish it, as I see it, would be to experience it. You already know what it is like with a man, so until you find another person, that happens to be a girl, you are interested in, I wouldn't stress so hard about it.
At this point, just enjoy what comes to you, and soon you'll know. You don't have to have a place in the sexual status to love a person.
If you enjoy the boyfriend, enjoy him right now. It is not the boyfriend, as I see it, the issue, but that you love, or want someone else. That could be another man and you'd have the same problem.
See if you can get her. You'll always wonder, won't you?
QueenOfTheSea, it doesn't seem like you're confused, at all. it seems like you're attracted to people for who they are, rather than their gender. the appropriate term for that is pansexual.
there's a lot of misunderstanding about pansexuals, and many people don't even know what the term means. so, if you have any questions, or would like someone to talk to, feel free to reach out to me.
thanks for everything. chelsee i think your right, but I've been attracted to other girls before too. it's just that she made me feel the most... amazing feelings. I've tried to talk to her about it, she freaks out about it. I think she's running away from it. well, i'm not sure about it anymore, but i know that when I did talk to her, she'd always tell me that, no that's not how she felt and that her mother wouldn't think it's right nor would her church.
have you told her that whether she feels that way or not, it shouldn't matter what others think?
believe me, I understand it can be incredibly difficult to break away from people close to you, but if they don't accept a person for who they are, and can't be proud of him or her for who they are, they don't deserve to be a part of that person's life, period.
hmmm, your right. maybe I should tell her that. I haven't because I'm not sure how she'd take it. hopefully this helps. :)
I know it seems harsh to actually say that, especially when you aren't a blunt person, but I can't stand when people are ignorant about what love is, isn't, or should, or shouldn't be.
Telling her is good, but if she's shying away from it, let her be. It is like a man wanting a woman and pestering her, not fair. If you've stated your case, and she's afraid, or whatever about it, you only make her run faster. If she wants it, being a friend that doesn't push is the best way to get her to have it.
Also, I got a bit confused when I read your profile. I would say you already know you like girls, because they are girls. That makes you just simply bisexual. Girls turn you on, just like guys.
I know, I'm probably not making sense, but you've decided, you just need to enjoy it and find girls/guys that give it back.
Also, when you are with a guy, I'd think it a good idea to tell him you like girls as well.
I personallty don't have any iissue with women that like girls and are with me, but some guys might find it not something they could deal with.
Be what you are, and enjoy that, but you can't make everyone agree no matter how right you feel it is. This is the way the world works, and you are better associating with the people that agree over pushing your adgenda.
Wayne, as I understand it, she hadn't told this girl the whole thing, so that's why I was advocating she do so.
Sure, but if you tell a person, even if your mother doesn't like it, you should be with me, you've got to have her agree.
Telling a person, that hasn't exactly decided that people in their lives must except them for what they are, or they don't deserve to be a part of their life is major. Seems to me, that just make her mad, confused, and shy away even more.
It puts pressure on her to make up her mind, when what she needs at this time is some patients, and understanding.
Some people never make the leap. They stay with what is safe.
If I felt she was worth it, I'd give her my friendship period, and let her come to a choice without pushing.
I have no idea of what type of relationship her and her family have, but driving a wedge between them seems counter productive.
It is possible that if her mother loves her, and sees her struggling, provided, she really is, she might be the exact person to give her the peace of mind and self to be as she is.
The poster does say the girl says she didn't feel that power right? Even if she did, she's not admitting it yet, so I'd do as I suggested.
I still say that if she does continue a friendship with this girl, at some point, the girl needs to hear that doing what would make her happy is always best.
I wasn't trying to say that it should be done right away, or that she should totally ride off family, but just saying that ultimately, whether she's with someone of the same sex or not, no family member should influence her decision.
Thank you everyone for all your help and for your support. Part of the reason I think too that maybe she's afraid is because she's got anxiety issues. She offten asks me if I'm boring her, or if I don't wanna be friends with her. I've told her many a time that she's my best friend and that if I was bored of her, I wouldn't love her like that. But sometimes people just don't know how to understand. I think too, that maybe she's not sure how to love someone. She's never had a boyfriend, or a girlfriend because she is afraid of opening up to other people. That's why she sticks to religion so hard is because she doesn't want nobody to judge her. That might be a big problem there as well.
I'd definitely say it is.